Proclamation

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Hear it from the Chapter Crier

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Our Noble Grand Humbug, Thaddeus “The Protégé” Haines, AL‑XXXVI,
sounds the Hewgag and commands your presence—not with sword or subpoena,
but with the weight of tradition and the aroma of warm chili.
Hark, ye loyal rustlers of lore and libation, that the next Fall Doins shall commence in
all its raucous splendor the weekend of October the 10th, 11th, and 12th,
in this year 6030 of Our Clampevolence at Rancho Santa Barbara.

The Historic Rancho Santa Barbara

Behold 1200 acres of splendor in the Santa Ynez Valley,
perfectly situated on the shore of Lake Cachuma, just a
stones throw off of Highway 154, at the enigmatic numeral 4001.
There, beneath heaven’s indifferent gaze, your beloved
Chapter 1.5 shall once more gather to deliberate,
and debase in historical fellowship.

Particulars

F r i d a y
11:55 Sign in with the GDR. Pick up the Badge of the Day
and Histerical Keepsake. Stake your clampsite.
3:07 The beer kegs are tapped.
4:07 Chapter Mercantile selling a limited edition of
the official commemorative doins shirt and a
multitude of Clamper emblazonment.
4:37 Cast Iron Poticipants check in with the Chief Judge.
6:01 Beans and bread for all Clampers, willing and able.
6:15 Cast Iron Cookoff fare served to grub stub holders.
7:07 Movie selections from the library of Mysterious Moe Van Huss.
S a t u r d a y
6:50 Clamp-luck (good luck… you are on your own) breakfast.
8:36 PBCs report to the hangman.
10:22 Chapter Mercantile open for business.
12:11 Humbug’s weenie with all the fixin’s, by “Corn Dog” Johnny Sfera.
4:26 The Hall of Comparative Ovations commences.
6:15 ClampBanquet served. First class all the way.
7:07 Movie selections scoured from the depths of cyberspace.
8:47 Ad Hoc Cacophonous ClampFire Concerto. Bring Instruments!
S u n d a y
8:32 Breakfast served.
9:46 Raffle drawing.
10:36 Golden Hills Ceremony.
12:01 Clean up and pack trash and recyclables with you.

Raffle Prizes

Raffle Prizes will be a mix of new and recycled merchandise. Anyone with some
cool stuff long forgotten in the attic should haul it out and donate it to Sunday’s
Breakfast Raffle. Raffle Tickets will be sold by roving rafflemeisters Friday and Saturday.

Directions

From the US-101, take CA-154 to 4001, Hwy 154.

FUNCTIONARIES

Tim Mason, Jason Haines, Thad Haines, Tad Hillier,
Mark Jorgeson, Pete Kelley, Dennis Philbin, Gabriel Miossi, Nick Proctor
BROTHERS OF THE BOARD

Get ‘Er Done!

Heed the call of the hewgag and step up to help out with the fall doins. The humbug
is looking for a few good clampers whose talents will fulfill the distinct and rewarding duties necessary for clamptentment for all. Those brave and willing personages should seek out and avail themselves to the Humbug or BoB.

Cast Iron Cookoff

Kicking off the weekend doins is the Friday Night Cast Iron Cook-Off, judged by
a select set of experienced gastronomes. The winning contender will be awarded
the coveted, perpetual “Flying Pig” trophy. The award ceremony will not consist of a
Certificate of Merit nor involve any cash bestowed upon the winning chef d’fer,
but may include being photographed (only after returning the trophy to the
chapter trailer for safe keeping),

All proceeds collected from those who wish to savor the cast iron fare, will be divided equally
among the participating cooks in an effort to defray costs and encourage competitive spirit.
All Cast iron entries must be cooked on the coals of the chapter’s BBQ trailer, not in your clamp abode or
home. All contestants should gather with the Humbug at 4 on Friday afternoon.

The Fine Print

We need all attendees to bring 3 gallons of drinking water each and some red oak for the BBQ if available. No fires of any kind. The only fire permitted will be in the chapter’s BBQ trailer.. No motorcycles; no orphans (2-, 3- or 4-legged); no guns, knives, explosives, or weapons of any kind; no illegal or controlled substances. The presence of prohibited items jeopardizes our chapter charter; enforcement will be by all officers of the chapter and violators will be escorted off the premises. Let a brother of sobriety take the reins.

THE RUB

The Rub varies with the costs of Clampsite access and proximity to services for table, chair, and toilet rentals. Your gold dust pays for stuff like: your very own Badge-of- the-Day, stocking our hosted bar with premium beer and liquor, jockey box rental, ice, big and little slippery, an exceptional multi-course gastronomic experience, firewood, bribes, signs, printing, insurance, the web site, and a bunch of stuff you don’t really want to know about. But most importantly it is for the collective funding of an historic plaque!

NOTE CRITICAL CUT-OFF DATE: Friday, 9/26/2025
Late registration or showing up unannounced incurs a $10 penalty!
$151.50 per Red Shirt, if your GoldDust is received by 09/26/2025.
$171.50 per PBC, if received by 09/26/2025.

REGISTER NOW!