The Porter Ranch
in Huasna Valley

May 2 – 4, 6030

The Hewgag Brays

Our Noble Grand Humbug, Steve “Port-a-Palace” Chaves,
AL‑XXXV, sounds the hewgag announcing the opportunity
for a visit to the historic Porter Ranch for yet another
unforgettable 3 days and 2 nights of fraternal gesticulation
among the bibulous brotherhood of equal indignity.

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Particulars

F r i d a y
11:55 Sign in with the GDR. Pick up the Badge of the Day
and Histerical Keepsake. Stake your clampsite.
3:07 T he beer kegs are tapped.
4:07 Chapter Mercantile selling a limited edition of
the official commemorative doins shirt and a
multitude of Clamper emblazonment.
4:37 Cast Iron Poticipants check in with the Chief Judge.
6:01 Beans and bread for all Clampers, willing and able.
6:15 Cast Iron Cookoff fare served to grub stub holders.
7:07 Movie selections from the library of Mysterious Moe Van Huss.
S a t u r d a y
6:50 Face your indiscretions.
8:36 PBCs report to the hangman.
10:22 Chapter Mercantile open for business.
12:11 Humbug’s weenie with all the fixin’s, by “Corn Dog” Johnny Sfera.
4:26 T he Hall of Comparative Ovations commences.
6:15 ClampBanquet served. First class all the way.
7:07 Movie selections scoured from the depths of cyberspace.
8:47 Ad Hoc Cacophonous ClampFire Concerto. Bring Instruments!
S u n d a y
8:32 Breakfast served.
9:46 R affle drawing.
10:36 Golden Hills Ceremony.
12:01 Clean up and pack trash and recyclables with you.

Raffle Prizes

Raffle Prizes will be a mix of new and recycled merchandise. Anyone with some
cool stuff long forgotten in the attic should haul it out and donate it to Sunday’s
Breakfast Raffle. Raffle Tickets will be sold by roving rafflemeisters Friday and Saturday.

The Historic Porter Ranch

The Porter ranch is a working cattle ranch as well as a historic property, a land grant originally bestowed upon Isaac James Sparks, one time otter hunter for William Goodwin Dana.

Directions to Porter Ranch.

Take US 101 to CA Hwy 166 in Santa Maria, CA
Take CA Hwy 166 East towards Cuyama.
8.2 miles from Hwy 101 to Alamo Creek Road,  
Turn Left onto Alamo Creek Road and follow paved road
staying left 3.5 miles to corral, turn right before corral
staying on paved road .5 miles to camp.

FUNCTIONARIES

Steve Chaves, Thad Haines, Jason Haines, Tim Mason, Mark Jorgeson,
Kevin Phelan, Dustin Debrum, Craig Shannon, Gabrial Miosii,
Tad Hillier, Jeff Dalley, Sebastian Reigert, Greg Hawkins
BROTHERS OF THE BOARD

Rudy Castilo, Sean Malis, Ed Anderson, and Johnny Sfera will divide and conquer
in preparing all of the traditional meals.
Humbugs Winnie Roast, Saturday banquet & Sunday breakfast.

Get ‘Er Done!

Heed the call of the hewgag and step up to help out with the fall doins. The humbug
is looking for a few good clampers whose talents will fulfill the distinct and rewarding
duties necessary for clamptentment for all. Those brave and willing personages should
seek out and avail themselves to the Humbug or BoB.

Cast Iron Cookoff

Kicking off the weekend doins is the Friday Night Cast Iron Cook-Off, judged by
a select set of experienced gastronomes. The winning contender will be awarded
the coveted, perpetual “Flying Pig” trophy. The award ceremony will consist of a
Certificate of Merit (or probably some cash) bestowed upon the winning chef d’fer,
and being photographed (only after returning the trophy to the chapter trailer
for safe keeping),

All Cast iron entries must be cooked on the coals not in your clamp abode or
home. All contestants should gather with the Humbug at 4 on Friday afternoon.
Grub Stub kitty will be divided between participating cooks.

The Fine Print

No open flame ground fires of any kind. There is one central fire ring for Cast
Iron Cook-off and disposal of ashes. No motorcycles; no orphans (2- or 4-legged); no
guns, knives, explosives, or weapons of any kind; no illegal or controlled substances.
The presence of prohibited items jeopardizes our chapter charter; enforcement will
be by all officers of the chapter and violators will be escorted off the premises. Let a
brother of sobriety take the reins.

Referendum

1. Recognized Redshirts in Good Standing must complete a registration
form, agreement/release of liability and pay the rub by April 12, 2024.

THE RUB

The Rub varies with the costs of Clampsite access and proximity to services for
table, chair, and toilet rentals. Your gold dust pays for stuff like: your very own Badgeof-
the-Day, premium beer, jockey box, ice, big and little slippery, an exceptional multicourse
gastronomic experience, firewood, bribes, signs, preparing of this
proclamation, insurance, the web site, and a bunch of stuff you don’t really want to
know about. But most importantly it is for the collective funding of an historic plaque!

Includes hosted bar (please tip the bartender) and an exceptional gastronomic experiences for all.
$151.50 per Red Shirt, if your GoldDust is received by 04/20/2025.
($161.50 if unregistered & paying at the door).
$181.50 per PBC, if received by 04/20/2025.
($191.50 per unregistered PBC paying at the door.)

If you need to register by mail, send your details, along with a check
payable to ECV 1.5, PO Box PO Box 296, San Luis Obispo, CA 93406